Here’s my old way of getting things done: I postpone a task I’ve been resisting-say, producing a piece of writing for my writers group–until circumstances pressure me into it. In this case, that pressure is a looming writers group meeting.

I beat myself up for not starting sooner; then mercilessly drive myself to accomplish the task. Later, I berate myself for not allowing enough time to do it better. This routine is not fun. Some might call it self-flagellation. But I do produce a piece of writing.

Recently-we’re talking barely a week–I’ve been operating differently. I still find myself postponing certain tasks but I no longer scold myself for this. Instead, I treat myself with uncharacteristic kindness.

According to the crack-the-whip, no-coddling-allowed, child-rearing practices that prevailed for generations, this new approach should turn me into an even lazier bum than the one I started as. So far it hasn’t. Even though I’m no longer driving myself to accomplish the task at hand, I’m postponing less and producing more.

Best of all, I’m having a good time doing what I used to resist. And the better time I have, the less I resist the next time. This is further evidence that my Why Worry Guide mission is not a “mission impossible.” When I shift from worry (or fear, anger, sadness, despair) to joy, effective action often follows.

The big question: Can this self-kindness practice last? After all, I’ve dedicated a lifetime to self-bashing even as I’ve helped clients in my coaching/hypnotherapy practice successfully stop this habit.

And I live in a culture in which harsh self-talk runs rampant. Check out the last three decades of self-improvement literature. How much of it has to do with changing the way we talk to ourselves? Think of all those books and articles about turning negative mental  “tapes” into positive affirmations.

Despite how embedded negative self-talk is in our culture and our individual psyches, I’m happy to report that lasting change in the direction of self-kindness is possible. Over the years, I’ve practiced what I recommend to my clients and have made enormous progress when it comes to being kind to myself. Still, one area has remained stubbornly resistant to change, that is until recently (fingers crossed).

The last bastion for me has to do with my professional work. I know I’m good at what I do, but I drag my feet about completing my own major projects. Just writing this sentence sends my mind into a frenzy. If I give that mind free rein, I won’t even be able to complete the next sentence. Okay, breathe, Carolyn. Do your practice.

Oh, yes, my practice. That’s why I started this post. I want to share this with you. I just did the practice, and joy bubbled up within seconds. That doesn’t always happen, but what I can always count on is greater clarity.

The SALA practice: A couple of years ago I came up with my Stop-Ask-Listen-Act practice, which I affectionately call SALA. At the time I wanted a simple way to better follow my intuition. Now I’ve learned that SALA also works for interrupting unwanted habits, including undermining self-talk. Here are the four simple steps:

• STOP your thinking mind and notice the physical sensations you’re feeling
• ASK “How do I want to be right now?” (Or your own variation on this)
• LISTEN for a response (from a deeper place than thinking mind)
• ACT on this response

How to make SALA your own: For the ASK part, come up with a question that brings you back to who you really are and helps you make the change you most desire.

My heart’s desire is to shift from fear and control to love and allowing. I fear completing major projects of my own because I worry that I’ll either fail and be humiliated or I’ll succeed and my life will spin out of control as new demands rush in.

My current ASK question is “How might I live my gift right now?” This opens my heart and awakens my generosity while it dissolves the fear and relaxes the control.

The LISTEN is easy at this point. Instantly, a knowing arises from within and the next step becomes clear. For me this morning it was: Sit your butt down and finish your blog post. And don’t stop there. Send it out!

The ACT part isn’t always as easy. But I’ve learned that any action that emerges from the SALA practice is coming from my inner authentic self.  It’s much more appropriate and effective than when I’m desperately trying to meet ever-more-exacting standards imposed from without.

This morning I face looming deadlines involving others. I still need to prepare a report for an afternoon meeting and then a complicated dinner for a party of six. How dare I take precious time to send out this little blog post of mine?

So I ask my question again. The answer: Your post is important. Finish and send it but don’t compulsively review it five times before pressing the “publish” button.

Hey, another undermining habit I get to break!

A helpful read: Chapter Seven, “The Sweetness of Loving Ourselves” in Awakening Joy: Ten Steps That Will Put You on the Road to Real Happiness by James Baraz and Shoshana Alexander (Bantam Books, 2010).