My recent Second-Wednesday “wisdom giveaway” (aka buddy call/teleseminar), the free call I host every month, turned into a most heart-warming conversation. It felt just like the message that my guest and I intended to convey: The holidays can be transformed from stressful into heartful.

All it takes is asking a few key questions, listening for the answers, and having the courage to put these into practice. Certain friends and family members may be less than thrilled by your changing your holiday routine. That’s where the courage comes in.

My guest, Christine Arundell (youressentialsolutions.com), a professional organizer and life coach, posed these three simple questions:
•    What qualities do you want to cultivate during the holiday season?
•    What activities do you associate with this season?
•    Which activities reflect the qualities that you want to cultivate?

One person on the call spoke of how she and her immediate family are developing new traditions now that her son is an adult and her aging mother is living with her and her husband. They’re shifting the focus on Christmas morning from opening gifts to sharing from the heart. The question they will pose to each other is “What brings you light and warmth?”

This family will still exchange a few tangible gifts, but that won’t be the main activity. Later in the day, after they’ve generated that “golden light,” they’ll spend time together in nature.

Others on the call spoke of shifting from store-bought gifts to homemade ones. Gifts from the kitchen seemed popular. Last year Christine suggested that her husband make an extra batch of his delicious homemade granola. They packaged it in festive, ribbon-tied bags and shared these with the members of their extended family. It proved a hit. The family literally gobbled up their gifts.

For some people, Christine pointed out, selecting the perfect store-bought gift for another might be an excellent way of showing how much we value that person. I certainly find great pleasure in seeking out just the right gifts for the handful of people for whom I still buy a present.

For me, though, the most fun and memorable gifts that our small circle of family and “like-family” members exchange are the fun, and sometimes irreverent, rhymed poems we write to and about one another.

It’s a Dutch thing. My husband and his sister grew up in The Netherlands where most families write these poems to one another on December 5, the eve of the feast of St. Nicholas. They sign them “Sinterklaas,” the Dutch name for St. Nick.

If you’re already deep into holiday activities and would find it difficult to change direction at this point, don’t worry. These three questions work for any season of the year and any life situation laden with the expectations of family and culture. Think weddings, births, birthdays, graduations, family reunions.

The more you practice asking yourself these questions throughout the year, the better prepared you’ll be to create the winter holiday your heart desires next December.

Maybe you’re already doing this. Or perhaps you have questions about how to pull this off given certain sticky situations with family and friends. I’d love to hear your stories and questions. Send a reply.